Happy Fri-yayyyyyy! Cheers to the weekend!
I broke some big news for our family this week– first, that we bought a home (see the home tour here) and second, that I have made the decision to leave my full-time teaching position to stay home and take care of our daughter. And that’s what I want to talk a little bit about today.
First, let me say this: I know that so many mothers are forced into doing something because their circumstances demand it. There are mothers that stay at home but wish they could work, while other mothers work and long to be at home. So I realize that I am fortunate enough to even have the freedom to make that decision.
And it was not an easy decision to make. At all. Before I ever had Olivia I always thought I would go back to work. It wasn’t until after she was born that I started to question what I really wanted to do. I would occasionally see my coworkers during my maternity leave and think ‘Wow, I really miss them and I’m actually looking forward to going back to work.’ And then it would only take one sweet smile or soft coo for me to change my mind again and think that I just couldn’t leave her.
I actually did wind up going back to work, at my husband’s encouragement. He didn’t want me to regret any decision I made and didn’t want to make a decision based on emotion alone. Going back to work was the practical application I needed to make an informed decision. But two months after returning to work, I knew where I wanted to be– home with my baby.
I agonized (and still do) over whether I’m making the right decision for me, our baby, and our family. So many questions float through my mind. What kind of example am I setting for our daughter? Will we be okay financially? Will our baby get the socializing she needs? Am I going to be bored? What kind of childcare would we choose? Am I giving up part of my identity by not working? Could I be okay with not being the primary caretaker for my child? Would I miss out on major milestones?
I don’t really know the answers to any of those questions. This decision would have been a lot easier if I did. I think the point I’m trying to make is that no matter what choice you make, it feels like the wrong one. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides of this “argument,” but we all have one end goal: to do what’s best for our children and family. And my hope is that we all keep that in mind as we meet and get to know our fellow mamas.
I’d love to hear from other moms. How did you make your decision? Was it difficult or a no-brainer? Why did you make the choice you did?
XO,
L
Sounds like you’re following your heart, Lauren. You can always ease back into work some time when that feels right, but now, yeah, focus on that treasure. Uncle Jerry
Thanks Uncle Jerry! That’s what I keep telling myself– that I can always go back to work. And thank you so much for reading. Love, L.
Thanks for writing about this important issue. I am also a new mom to a beautiful 7 month old boy. He is my world and I simply can’t imagine my life without him. I always had the intention of going back to work after my leave. We are “older” parents-35-and established careers before jumping into parenthood. My decision to return to work was for two reasons. First, financially. I have a higher income than my husband so it would have been a serious strain for us financially had I decided to stay at home. My second reason is a more personal one. I may receive a lot of backlash for saying this. I believe that we, as women, have a collective responsibility to participate in America’s workforce, as leaders and experts in our field. Research shows that when women participate in the workforce in professional fields they have higher social and economic mobility, experience greater agency in their personal lives, and have more decision making power at home. While I love being with my baby, I know that staying at home makes me utterly dependent on the success of my marriage and ultimately, financially vulnerable. If for some unforeseeable reason my husband and I were to divorce or God forbid, if he were to pass away, I would be forced back into the workforce and most likely at a much lower wage. I don’t want to put myself or my child in that position. Women’s voices, our collective interests (e.g. wage gap, voting participation, family leave FMLA, and political participation, etc.) Would have a much more equitable representation if we continued to participate in the professional workforce. I know some will disagree with me, but this is a good conversation for moms to have. Thanks!
Thank you for saying this. How we make our families “work” differs – and evolves over time. However, I do think there’s a bigger picture issue that gets lost in these conversations sometimes and that’s the potential impact of the perception of female workers being less committed than our male counterparts when we become mothers. Not saying it should shape how we lead our lives, but it’s a consequence that should be recognized. Until more men stay home or request reduced hours to care for their families, this will remain a gender-specific problem.
Lydia, I couldn’t agree more! And being caregivers (whether to our children or other loved ones) is a job in which society should place a higher value. Thank you so very much for reading!
Tanja, I really appreciate your feedback and everything you mentioned are things I find myself grappling with. My hope is that we can all find peace with the decisions we make! Thank you so much for reading!
Cute Olivia! She totally looks like a Plotkin! Ps luv the bedding! I have the Same in our guest bedroom!
Haha! Yes, definitely looks like her daddy! Thanks for reading!! 🙂
Lauren,
I think your doing the right thing and you should absolutely have confidence in your decision because it is what feltright for Lauren and that is what matters the most.
Everybody can share their opinion on how they would/have done it but at the end of the day the Plotkin family will do what fits them the best.
I think your work and you having a career doesnt define you as an individual, we all who know you as Lauren the mother, the wife, the friend/sister know that you are a hardworking woman regardless with your job or without.
So as Gerald said “Follow your heart”….
Luuh you
-Sumeila
Sumeila! Thank you so much, your words truly mean a lot! Miss you so much! Luuhh you.