Mommy Had a Meltdown

Several weeks ago, I had a meltdown. Not just any meltdown. A mommy meltdown. It started out as a normal day. Olivia and I woke up, had breakfast, and then decided to take a walk to the park. We ran, climbed, went down the slide, and just enjoyed our time together. But by the time we walked back and got home, it was a different story. She was being difficult, whiny, and started crying because she didn’t want to go inside. You know, all the totally normal things that toddlers do.

I tried to get her inside and eat a quick lunch before attempting to put her down for a nap but she wasn’t having any of it. And finally, the straw that broke the camel’s my back was when instead of going to sleep, she cried. And cried. And cried. And never took a nap. And you know who else cried?

I did.

I cried big fat, splashing tears in the next room. Not because my child was “being naughty.” She wasn’t. Not because she didn’t take her nap. Toddlers tend to do that. I cried because I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with all the crazy things that come along with motherhood.

So I called my mom.

And she listened and immediately understood how I was feeling. And she told me a story about her early days of motherhood where my dad got home from work and saw me sitting in the middle of the living room crying by myself and went upstairs to find my mom crying too. You might be thinking this runs in the family, but I suspect I’m not the only woman that has cried from the overwhelming responsibilities of motherhood.

99% of my days with Olivia are amazing. We laugh together and giggle until our cheeks hurt. We have countless tea parties, dance parties, and run around the house parties. I stare at her sweet, innocent face, and I just love her so very much. And then there’s that 1%. That one single percent that rolls around every so often and makes me feel like I’m doing it all wrong. Like I just need some alone time. Like I’m having my own mommy meltdown. And then to make things worse, I feel guilty that I am even frustrated and upset at my daughter who really didn’t even do anything. It’s a whirlwind of emotions that usually leads to tears.

But you know what? That’s okay.

It’s okay to feel frustrated and tired and overwhelmed. It’s okay to ugly cry. I’m pretty sure I’m not breaking news here, but being a mom is hard freakin’ work! You have to be ‘on’ All. The. Time. Your whole day and life revolve around a tiny, very demanding little human. Feeding, bathing, playing, teaching, rocking. It’s a lot! If you didn’t feel overwhelmed then I would wonder what kind of super human strength you have and where I can get some of that!

So if you have to cry in the shower so nobody sees your tears. Or you find yourself calling your mom or sister or best friend up just so you can talk to someone who understands then that’s okay. I have come to realize that the occasional meltdown (from moms and toddlers) is just a part of motherhood.

XO,

L