Mom Guilt: An Epidemic

January 6, 2016

mom guilt

Mom Guilt: What is it?

If you have to ask what mom guilt is, you are likely not a mom. Mom guilt is one of those things that nobody tells you about when you’re pregnant. Oh sure, they tell you all about how amazing motherhood is, the lack of sleep you’ll get, the tornado your house will become, the undying love you’ll feel for your child. They tell you about how you have no time for anything, how quickly time flies, how there’s endless laundry. But nobody tells you about the guilt that you will feel for almost anything and everything that negatively affects your child.

The first time I felt mom guilt was just a few weeks after Olivia was born and one day she would not stop crying. I checked all the usual suspects, but she was not hungry, had a clean diaper, had been burped, and just woke up from a nap. I couldn’t figure it out. She just kept wailing and my rocking and shushing was not working. This eventually led to my meltdown where I started crying too (mother and baby crying together is a whole other post!). After trying everything I could think of, I held my baby up to my face and angrily asked her why she was crying, which, of course, prompted her to cry harder. I’m almost embarrassed to tell you that. To tell you that I lost my temper with a newborn. With my innocent baby girl. That I angrily asked her something that she could not answer, nor had an answer to. That I let her crying– something that babies are supposed to do– get the best of me. Even as I type this, the guilt comes flooding back.

I felt guilty about this little episode for weeks after. Every time I thought about it I would cringe and my eyes would tear up. I vowed never to let that happen again. Little did I know, that while I would overcome the new mom, tired, not knowing why her baby is crying phase, I would not overcome mom guilt. Because mom guilt comes back for a whole host of reasons, and as far as I can tell, it lasts well past the childhood years. To learn more about mom guilt and if you might have it, read for causes and symptoms below.

Symptoms:

Symptoms may include, but are not limited to:

  • crying
  • mentally beating yourself up
  • empty feeling in the pit of your stomach

Causes:

Literally anything. You could have mom guilt for not playing with your child enough, getting mad at your child, yelling at your child. Being late for picking your child up, for going out and leaving your child with a babysitter, for not feeding your child more nutritious meals. For missing your child’s nap time or putting them to bed too late. For letting them sit in a wet diaper too long, for letting them watch TV, for letting them cry it out.

Treatment:

  • red wine
  • white wine
  • realizing you’re not perfect and that that’s okay
  • realizing that you’re doing the absolute best you can do

Is it contagious?

Men are immune to this disease.

Get Help

If you or someone you know is affected by mom guilt, share your stories below. How do you cope with mom guilt?

XO,

L

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  • Amanda January 6, 2016 at 11:28 am

    Really great post Lauren. Loved reading your honesty. We’ve all been there my love

    • Lauren January 7, 2016 at 12:37 pm

      Thanks love! <3

  • Meagan January 6, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    Needed this today. Dropped my 6m old at daycare on my way to work and separation anxiety has set in. I quietly slipped out to not avoid a meltdown (which I’m sure happened 2 min after I left). Sometimes you need to just say- this is mom guilt, it’s not going away- and move on. Oh, and count down the minutes to 5pm.

    • Lauren January 7, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      Meagan, thanks for reading, and yes, that’s definitely a cause of mom guilt. Just remind yourself that you’re dropping your baby off to go to work which will not only provide for him/her, but will also set a good example! You’re a good mama!

  • Gerald DiPego January 6, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    Men are not immune to Dad Guilt. I promise this. I know we don’t have that very special connections Mom’s do, but we have our own, and when you have a newborn, toddler, teen, or grown up son – the guilt comes with the job. Did I do the right thing or the dead-wrong thing, say what should have said? And, oh, damn, why did I lose my temper… All part of this important and wonderful job we take on: caring parent.

    • Lauren January 7, 2016 at 12:36 pm

      It’s good to know us moms are not alone. I think maybe men are better at hiding their Dad Guilt then!