Before we moved and before I became a stay at home mom, my husband [jokingly… sort of] told me that I’m in charge of making new friends that live in the area. He said I have to find other moms that I can have play dates with and our families can all hang out. Sure, no problem, I can do that. How difficult can it be to meet new moms?
VERY DIFFICULT, PEOPLE! Very freakin’ difficult.
So two days ago I was at Buy Buy Baby, because obviously that’s where all stay at home moms hang out during the week. And I’m standing in line with my peanut sitting in the front seat of the cart. Another mama rolls up behind me with her little guy sitting in the cart as well and Olivia starts to do her little wave. It’s the only trick she knows and it’s so effin cute. Us moms do the obligatory, “Say hi” in our high pitched baby talk voices. And then the standard questions start. You know, the ones that all moms everywhere ask each other in an attempt at small talk. What’s her/his name? How old is he/she? Is she/he walking/talking/sitting up/eating etc?
Turns out that this mom, we’ll call her B3M (Buy Buy Baby Mama), is super nice. Her son’s name is Paul and he’s a year old. I tell her that my dad’s name was Paul and that the name is special. B3M and her husband just moved from the city 3 weeks ago and she doesn’t really know anyone from the area. Um, hello? Match made in heaven Buy Buy Baby! My heart starts beating a little faster. So, do I, like, ask for her number? Do I give her mine? Play it cool, Lauren, play it cool. Then all of a sudden the cashier rings me up and it’s time to leave. Shit! What do I do? I start walking away. We both say our goodbyes, “Well… it was nice meeting you!” “Yeah, you too! Bye!” Aaaaaaaaand it’s over. I blew my chance.
Apparently, finding mom friends is like dating and all of a sudden I’m a pimply, gangly, awkward teenager that’s stumbling over her words and embarrassed. I seriously now have a new appreciation for guys that build up the courage and confidence to ask a girl for her number– the possibility of rejection is terrifying! But with moms, there’s way more at stake. I mean, does this mom believe in sleep training, crying it out, when did she start her kid on solids? Does she spank her kids, do time outs, or some new, alternative, hippy way of parenting? Does she disinfect everything after it hits the ground, does she buy only organic, or does she make her own baby food? Which highchair, carseat, or stroller does she have? Like, are we even compatible?
What I’d really like to tell potential mom friends is that I haven’t shaved my legs in 3 days and probably won’t for another 3. That I accidentally threw a dirty diaper in the laundry basket and not the diaper pail. That half my diet consists of string cheese and animal crackers. And that ‘cleaning’ my house is really just staging my house and throwing everything in closets and cabinets. So if you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain… no wait, that’s not right. Basically, I don’t judge and I’m looking for other mom friends that don’t judge (and drink wine).
So to the mama at Buy Buy Baby, if you’re out there somewhere reading this: Will you be my friend? If not, it’s totally cool or whatever…
XO,
L
Lol! You are so funny. I love how your blog posts are so relatable! Not sure where you live but we are always up for new play dates. We’re in Clayton.
What a great post, Lauren – so relatable, even to guys! Yeah, how do you get those words out…so, maybe we could trade phone numbers…..etc. But you’ll do it. I know you’re a determined girl. You’ve had your fail – now you’ll force yourself. In fact that’s exactly what your dad said to me when I asked him: how do you talk to girls? You’ll do it for the peanut. Love, Uncle Jer
You approach a mom with, “I see you also have a baby. Samesies! Let’s chill and do cool stuff. I like wine.”
Do I need to take you by the hand again like I did 20 years ago to introduce you to your now BFF? You missed a great opportunity and B3M missed out on a great friendship. There will be more. I know you can do it!!
Lauren, I really love reading your blog. So well written. Congrats on the new house too. Of course you already know when you sign Olivia up for library class or music class or baby gymnastics etc you will meet lots of local moms. I met my best friends ( and they still are) when Jer started preschool. Hang in there.
Omg how funny is this!
Since when does Lauren socialbutterfly get nervous, GO FOR IT!!
Mostl likely she is thinking the SAME thing, “how do I approach her”
But like your firend Jan Goldkind said once Livy has been signed up to different classes (dance) their will be so many play dates that it will be your second job!! Enjoy the time you have with her now before she get’s “too busy” or “too cool” for her mummy:)
Luh you sissy!
-Sumeila
Very funny! You should search to see if there is a MOPS group in your area. Best place ever to make friends. Just make sure you give it a good chance. Go a few times even if it is weird at first.