7 Annoying People You Meet After Having a Baby

Happyyyyyyy Mondayyyyy!!! Okay, so maybe it’s not that happy considering it’s the first day after a long weekend filled with too much good food (is there such a thing?), traveling, crazy relatives, long naps, and football, but at least we’re closer to Christmas, right? Our weekend was filled with brunch, tree decorating, cuddling, and good times with family and friends. And now I’m ready to tackle my Cyber Monday online shopping (don’t forget to check out my gift guides for her, him, and the kiddos if you still need ideas!).

So a few weeks ago, I was talking to my sister in-laws about the people you don’t even realize exist until after you have a baby. We started comparing notes and it turns out that we’re all pretty familiar with the same people. You know who I’m talking about, right? Well, it inspired me to create a list of the 7 [Annoying] People You Meet After Having a Baby. Here ya go!

1. The Comparer (also known as the One Upper): Everyone has one of these in their lives and unfortunately they don’t just pertain to moms. You can identify them by their superior attitudes and statements. “Oh your baby weighed 8 pounds? Well mine weighed 9!” “Your baby isn’t talking yet? So-and-so has been talking for months!” “Little Johnny can’t go pee pee in the potty? Little Sally hasn’t worn diapers since she was 2!” And it goes on and on.
2. The Expert: This person thinks they know everything about your child. You may have given birth to your baby, you may spend every day with him, but oh no, the expert can tell you what your baby likes, dislikes, wants, needs, etc.
3. The Anti-Sanitizer: We are all protective of our sweet newborn babes and so there is nothing worse than the person that just ate an entire plate of buffalo wings (extra blue cheese sauce), licks their fingers clean, and then asks to hold your child. Um, no.
4. The Monopolizer: It’s always nice when family or friends want to hold and snuggle your little one, but there is always that one person that takes your child and doesn’t let anyone else hold him. This person is known as a Baby Hog.
5. The Stranger Toucher: This might be the worst offender of them all. This person sees your sweet bundle of joy at the mall and tickles her feet or caresses her hand, but you don’t even know them! Here is a rule of thumb for all people everywhere: if you don’t personally know this baby/child, then don’t touch them. Period. You may be a perfectly nice, normal, hygienic human being, but here’s the thing: I don’t know that.
6. The Judger: Oh you know who I’m talkin’ about. The Judger makes those passive aggressive judgy statements that make you want to use a few choice words to tell them off. “Oh your child isn’t wearing a jacket on this cold day?” “You let your baby cry it out?” These comments are usually followed by a quiet “tsk-tsk.”
7. The Advice Giver: Okay, Doctor Spock, if you are not a licensed professional and I did not ask for your advice, then please, don’t give it. Yes, I know what your mother’s mother used to do for a gassy/upset/crying baby, however it’s 2015 and doctors have determined that that’s a wives tale. Thanks but no thanks.

Was that too harsh? No? Okay, good. I know you guys have more to add to this. Who is it? Which annoying person have I missed? Comment and let me know!

XO,

L