The 6 Biggest Lies About Motherhood

From the moment you tell people that you’re pregnant, you will begin to receive unsolicited advice, opinions, and thoughts about everything from managing stretch marks and breastfeeding to baby registries and the best sleep training methods and basically everything related to motherhood. And to be honest, I’m guilty of doing it too. But there are some things that seasoned moms dole out like candy that I have determined to be blasphemous lies about motherhood. Lies that we tell each other to make us feel better or even lies that we believed all on our own before we actually became mothers.

So here is my list of the 6 biggest lies about motherhood.

1. Motherhood is amazing and wonderful and rainbows and puppies. Often times it is all of those things and then sometimes, within minutes of being rainbows, it can also be satan and hell and holy shit, get me outta here. So many mothers say that being a mom is the best job and they wouldn’t trade it for the world. I don’t think they’re lying, but they’re also not telling you that it’s the hardest job and sometimes they want to run away to a tropical paradise with bottomless piña coladas.
2. Breastfeeding makes you drop all your baby weight like that **me snapping my fingers** While breastfeeding can certainly help, it is not a one stop shop for melting the weight off. It takes serious exercise and healthy eating, which is hard because cinnamon rolls.
3. You can totally control your child’s public meltdowns. All you have to do is talk to your non baby having friends and they’ll all tell you all about how when they have kids, they aren’t going to tolerate the meltdowns and how they’re just going to say “no means no.” Hahahahaha. Just face palm them. (And if you really want to know what I think about public meltdowns, read this.)
4. Mother’s Day is an amazing, wonderful day for you to be celebrated and recognized. Oh sure, you’ll get made breakfast in bed and you’ll get adorable handmade cards, but you know what? You’re still a mom on that day and somehow still responsible for all the typical mom duties.
5. Your life is over for the next 18 years. Get all the sleep you can! This one seriously annoys me because, people just love to ooze their shitty experiences onto others. While yes, your life drastically changes, that doesn’t mean you can’t also have a social life or that you’re doomed to sleeping only in 3 hour increments. The truth is that you may have several months of bad sleep and no date night in sight, but eventually you will get into a groove and get a little of your old life back.
6. You’ll have so much free time during your maternity leave to keep the house clean, have home cooked meals every night, and heck, maybe even start a business. Um, no. One thing I wish people would have told me after I had Olivia was that we would be eating takeout for dinner every night for at least 2 months. And keep the house clean? Just be grateful that you don’t burn it down when you try to boil eggs and forget about them on the stove so long that the water evaporates and the eggs start smoking. #truestory

What are the biggest lies about motherhood that you’ve discovered? Any major misconceptions about what this whole motherhood thang is all about? Share them with me!

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XO,

L